Susan Alexander
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Susan Alexander
  Susan’s Rant – June 2006

Carboy 

Between comedy gigs and events, I freelance back in the corporate world. My new freelance gig requires me to spend some time in the great city of Philadelphia. Besides the awesome heart clogging cheese steaks, the main item you need in Philadelphia is a car. Luckily, the team I am working with has one designated driver that I call Carboy and has become my new hero.

Carboy chauffeurs three women around in his tricked out white Lincoln Continental. At first glance, he looks like a suburban pimp.

Carboy is married with children but still has the physique of a less steroid Hulk Hogan but larger than Chuck Norris. The homeless guy that he gave a couple of bucks had the best description of him:

“Wow, I’m telling everyone that you are a great guy and you give to the homeless. Thank you, Mike Schmidt.” Philadelphia homeless guy said. (For those non-sport fanatics like me, he is a Phillies baseball player hall of famer.)

What makes Carboy so special and more than a typical suburban family guy? He is in touch with his feminine side but still very much a straight man. This hulking man is secure enough with himself that he owns a teacup sized terrier and admits he is a neat freak. He is such a neat freak that the local housewives give him the newest formula of Windex to test out since he cleans all of his windows religiously including the skylight.

Carboy is genuinely nice to everyone and even stops the car for children and senior citizens.

All heroes have some imperfections and I have to admit Carboy does have one. Even though he is very respectively of most women, he has some issues with dominating women from New York City or maybe it’s just me.

The main reason for Carboy being my hero is that he drives his women to stores, nail salons and bars.

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