||Susan’s Rant – Week
of December 1st
'Tis The Season
What do Kwanza, Hanukkah and Christmas all have
in common? Matchmakers GONE WILD. Everyone from friends to manicurists
have a ‘great guy or girl’ for the single pal who is doomed
to walk the earth alone.
‘Susan, I have a great guy for you. He is a ‘young’ fifty
years old.’ My manicurist said.
‘Great, tell him I am a ‘thin’ 200
lbs and we might have a match.’ I said.
Definition of a ‘great guy’ for
women usually means they are single, breathing, have a job and no
criminal record. Yes, being single is a qualification that needs
to be explained. Sometimes I meet married men in town on business
or what I like to call them to cheap to buy a hooker for the night.
I try to qualify them by asking them that hard question:
‘Are you married?’ I said
‘What do you mean?’ Married
‘Is there someone at home cooking and cleaning for you not getting
a weekly salary and she is eight months pregnant and her name is Laci? Are
you that married?’ I said.
The Scott Peterson case has changed dating
etiquette for all the single people and married people that still
date. After a few dates, I explain to my date that if we ever get
married and he wants a divorce, just ask, please don’t kill me. I’m
sure I have dated married men unknowingly or I chose to believe that
they were single. The
advantage of dating a married man is like a ‘car leasing’ program. A
single girl can put the wear and tear in a man and give him back
to his wife. The problem comes when the wife does not want to take
her husband back, and then there is something definitely wrong with
the man. Always
remember, buyer beware.
Holidays or no holidays, I do appreciate the
efforts of friends and strangers referring me to available men. I
think it is a sweet gesture that makes me want to stop ranting about
dating (sometimes :). There
are so many great men out there today that I am very lucky to keep
meeting a variety of men. Variety is want makes me enjoy comedy and
everyone I meet. My all time favorite quote sums up my feelings about
‘Life is a banquet and some poor suckers are starving to death!’ Rosalind
Russell from Auntie Mame (1958) said.
HAPPY HOLIDAYS AND NEW YEAR!
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