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Susan Alexander
  Susan’s Rant – Week of December 1st

'Tis The Season

What do Kwanza, Hanukkah and Christmas all have in common?  Matchmakers GONE WILD. Everyone from friends to manicurists have a ‘great guy or girl’ for the single pal who is doomed to walk the earth alone. 

‘Susan, I have a great guy for you. He is a ‘young’ fifty years old.’ My manicurist said.

‘Great, tell him I am a ‘thin’ 200 lbs and we might have a match.’ I said.

Definition of a ‘great guy’ for women usually means they are single, breathing, have a job and no criminal record. Yes, being single is a qualification that needs to be explained. Sometimes I meet married men in town on business or what I like to call them to cheap to buy a hooker for the night. I try to qualify them by asking them that hard question:

‘Are you married?’ I said

‘What do you mean?’ Married man said.

‘Is there someone at home cooking and cleaning for you not getting a weekly salary and she is eight months pregnant and her name is Laci?  Are you that married?’ I said.

The Scott Peterson case has changed dating etiquette for all the single people and married people that still date. After a few dates, I explain to my date that if we ever get married and he wants a divorce, just ask, please don’t kill me.  I’m sure I have dated married men unknowingly or I chose to believe that they were single.  The advantage of dating a married man is like a ‘car leasing’ program.  A single girl can put the wear and tear in a man and give him back to his wife.  The problem comes when the wife does not want to take her husband back, and then there is something definitely wrong with the man.  Always remember, buyer beware.

Holidays or no holidays, I do appreciate the efforts of friends and strangers referring me to available men.  I think it is a sweet gesture that makes me want to stop ranting about dating (sometimes :).  There are so many great men out there today that I am very lucky to keep meeting a variety of men. Variety is want makes me enjoy comedy and everyone I meet. My all time favorite quote sums up my feelings about variety:

‘Life is a banquet and some poor suckers are starving to death!’ Rosalind Russell from Auntie Mame (1958) said.

HAPPY HOLIDAYS AND NEW YEAR!

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