Susan Alexander
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Susan Alexander
  Rant Archive 2005


December - Chicklets

Ever since this drug has become available over the counter, I am addicted. I love Crest White Strips! Read more...

November - Postal  

My freelance job during the day has me giving presentations at health fairs at federal government locations around New York City until the beginning of December.Read more...

October - The Enemy  

Right off the airplane in Philadelphia coming back from San Francisco, my loving devoted mother looks at me and greets me. Read more...

September - Tourists Rule 

Performing stand-up comedy each week exposes me to a great variety of tourists. Read more...

August - Takes a Village 

I am leaving my heart, baggage and homophobia in San Francisco. Living in this beautiful city for close to five years has been a great eye opening experience. Read more...


July - Faker Baker 

Everyone knows these dangerous women. They are college educated with great jobs but every night they go home and fake it. I don’t mean in the bedroom or former potheads but women who try to pass of their cooking off as edible food. Read more...


June - When Bums Attack  

Most homeless people are harmless in San Francisco. They are either mentally ill or my ex-boyfriends. Read more...


May - Offensive 

Being a single, loud, aggressive woman telling jokes makes me offensive. The fact that I will not apologize for being fat and cry on my bathroom floor, like Kirstie Alley does on her new Jenny Craig series on Showtime, is offensive. Read more...


April - Fountain of Youth 

Many young men have been flirting with me.  My parole officer told me to check their ID’s first and stop giving them Mary Kay Letourneau candy, chocolate covered rufees. Read more...


March - Proud American 

Patriot is ‘one who loves, supports and defends one’s country’.  Now it is hip and cool to attack politics and government.  That’s fine, but all and all, the United States still is the best place to live on earth. Read more...


February - Believe It Or Not 

I grew up in a house divided between an ex-Mormon Greek/Native American father and a devout Presbyterian off-the boat Korean mother. My family was very ‘Heinz 57,’ a little bit of everything. Read more...


January - Smoke Signals 

I’m sure many people are making New Year’s resolution to stop smoking.  If you smoke, be proud, quit or shut up.  Now smoking is America’s dirty secret and being a porn addict is more acceptable (YEAH!). Read more...
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